Gratitude

Wondering why I’ve been absent recently?  Here’s why.

In the past week I lost my job, moved in with my parents, and got diagnosed with PCOS.  Yeah…that’s a whole lotta whole lotta.  Let’s just say I needed some time to process.

So you’re probably wondering what’s with the title?

I have two choices here.  I can wallow in self-pity or I can focus on what I do have.  I choose both – sort of.

Quite honestly, I’ve been wallowing.  Big time.  I stayed in bed, watched way too many movies, ignored all my friends, cried, ate a truckload of chocolate, and now, honestly, I’m just bored of it.  Wallowing gets old really fast.

I’m ready to move on and move up.  And the best way to do this is to witness all the amazing aspects of my life that I can be grateful for.

Today I am grateful because (drumroll please…), my skin is finally improving!  With the PCOS diagnosis I chose to go back on a pill I used to take called Spironolactone.  To some this may seem like “cheating.”  This is a holistic site for curing acne, right?  Yes, it is.  And I have tried every holistic and natural diet potion, lotion, herb and meditation out there.  I am thin with PCOS so unlike most overweight people who have this disorder, I’m not able to diminish the symptoms by simply losing weight.  Believe me, I’ve tried it (see my last post).  So I made peace with the fact that for me, going semi holistic is my path.  And I am fine with that.

Anyway, that’s a little off topic, but what I really want to say is, I’M SO GRATEFUL!  My skin is finally improving.  I’m noticing the changes every day.  Yes, I am looking at tons of red marks that I pray will eventually fade.  And there are a few new pimples that arise but they are smaller and not as physically (and emotionally) painful.  And I will have to continue to cover up with makeup while my skin heals.  But wow.  This is the first hint of light I’ve had for months!

This reminds me how important the title of my blog is.  Skin Deep.  The state of my skin is not a shallow issue for me.  It hits me on such a deep level.  It’s been a source of pure and utter depression.  It’s caused me to isolate myself.  Binge eat.   Abuse drugs.  And limit my life to a self-punishing standard of living.  What I know is that my skin is a true gift.  I am so grateful because if it didn’t literally get “in my face” and tell me my life is on the wrong path, I would never have woken up.

So today I have immense gratitude for my skin.  Not just because it is clearing, but it showed me there is so much more to life.  I’m ready to start the next chapter and learn that life does not have to be a painful battle to make it from one day to the next.  I choose freedom, happiness, adventure and love. 

Losing my job and getting this diagnosis has been a total blessing. I get a fresh start to map out the life I’ve always wanted but never had the courage to go after.  Can’t wait to see what life brings me now!

I finally got the courage to start Gabrielle Bernstein’s May Cause Miracles book today – so with that said my affirmation is:

I am willing to witness my fear.

So far I am loving this book.  You may want to give it a try too 🙂

New Year’s Resolution

I’ve been ODing on The Love Vitamin videos (I really love this girl – see below for more info) and feeling guilty about all the poor diet decisions I’ve made these last few days just waiting for inspiration to kick in so I could write this New Year’s Resolution post.  I don’t want to make the same old “I’ll eat better” or “I’ll exercise every day” resolution.  This type of restriction causes more harm than good and ultimately implodes on itself.  So…how do I make a powerful resolution that I can actually keep?

By simplifying.  With all of the challenges I am facing trying to change my lifestyle, my mindset, my physical and emotional health, and, of course, my skin, I found one simple tool that I can implement to really make a difference in ALL of these areas.

I am always able to see the big picture after I’ve done the damage.  I’ll binge on a bunch of sugar or go overboard with exercise or procrastinate at work until I just end up stressed and working late.  Later on I can see that I made a poor decision based on emotional stress, but at the time I can’t stop myself.  But this is exactly it.  I need to STOP.  If I can just recognize in the moment when I am about to do something I might regret and then, here’s the best part – STEP AWAY FOR A MINUTE – then I can lose that negative momentum and make a better choice.

So my resolution this year is to hit the pause button. Whenever my actions are not reflecting my goals I will literally STOP in my tracks, walk out of the room if necessary, and pick up my journal, breathe, pour a mug of hot tea, or do something else that will calm, soothe and bring perspective into my decisions.  I might decide not to eat that extra slice of cake OR I might decide that it is okay.  Either way, I am at least doing so mindfully.

That’s it!  It sounds simple, but I know it is an incredibly powerful resolution.  I’m truly excited to put this into practice.

What’s your resolution?

P.S. Here’s my favorite Love Vitamin video – this girl has been such an inspiration for me on my journey and I really appreciate all of her tips and encouragement: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-KDbq2psZE